Wednesday, 25 February 2015
I can remember sitting in my geography class in secondary school(elementary school) and the teacher started talking about life and he said life is filled with ups and downs and everyone will have his or her own fair share of disappointments. I remember thinking in class that day on how my life will turn out.... what will be my ups and my downs, what kind of disappointments will i have in life and how will i deal with them but then as a little girl i quickly forgot about that and moved on to play with my friends.
Sometimes life throws rocks at us. For some, rocks after rocks seems to come their way. I feel i have been getting a lot of rocks thrown at me lately.
I battled with fear and anxiety for two years. I couldn't sleep at night, I was just in so much fear. I feared I wouldn't wake up when i close my eyes to sleep,I couldn't stay alone by myself, I feared something evil will happen to me or my loved ones. I was a total mess. I struggled with this for a long time on my own, it got to a stage when i couldn't handle it anymore and I had to tell my family. My parents were very supportive of me, made me see a doctor (a psychiatrist). The doctor gave me some sleeping pills and advise on what to do. My siblings were not supportive at al, they told me to get it together and that everyone has some fears. After seeing how my siblings reacted to the situation I told my family I was fine but i really was not. I talked to one of my friends and he told me he has a cousin that is a psychiatrist and he will arrange a meeting. He did, i was able to see a psychiatrist and psychologist and we worked together and I was able to overcome my fears. I could sleep at night without pills and could stay alone. I still have those fears once in a while but I don't dwell on them.
Gradually light returned to my life. I got my Canadian student visa and moved from Nigeria to Canada. I was very happy. I got to Canada and was living my dream life, I had amazing grades in school, met some cool people and i was just loving being me.
Then life threw me another rock. I was diagnosed with diabetes. I felt betrayed by my body and the genes I have. How could this happen to me? Haven't i suffered enough? Life was good just some months back, I thought i would call home to say hey, I got engaged to the love of my life or hey, I got this amazing job...etc and not hey, i got diabetes.
With diabetes came chronic constipation, doctors thought i had colon cancer (thank goodness i don't) and i just didn't have any strength to do anything.
Presently, I'm losing my hair, my fingers are numb, I have hemorrhoids and I'm very frustrated. I have always been a positive girl but its very difficult for me to be positive right now. I just keep asking; why me? when is it going to stop? why do i come from a family that gives diabetes, fear, anxiety and hemorrhoids.
I'm really just hanging in there but i'm frustrated, angry and very disappointed.