Saturday, 28 February 2015
I'm always worrying and thinking about whats gonna happen? Who am gonna get married to? What kind of wife will i be? Do I really want kids? How is my mum doing? How will my life turn out? How is my family back home in Nigeria? When will i find a job? What kinda job will i have? How will my career turn out? Will i be successful in life? But I never stop just to live in the moment. I don't live in today...I'm always in "tomorrow or the future mode". I also day dream about the kinda of life I want or I wish i had right now.
But what does it really mean to live in the moment, living in the moment is being mindful of the present, not worrying about the future or things that are yet to happen, living where our lives are, concentrating our attention on the things at hand, we focus on the tasks we have presently.
When we train ourselves to live in the moment, we are fully involved in what's going on and we begin to discover the beauty and the wonder that comes with the moment.
To make every moment count, we must embrace everything we do and every person we come in contact with deserves our full attention. Even when are taking a stroll, we should savour the moment, it gives us the opportunity to recharge, renew and gain clarity.
Quite often we put huge expectations on ourselves and our lives. We rush to do this, hurry up with that, without actually enjoying the process. What's the rush? Where are we actually going?
When we appreciate each moment and learn from it, we live consciously, purposefully and responsibly. Likewise some live in the past and don't let go of painful experiences, hurts, disappointments and difficult times, we condemn ourselves. We can not change the past, we can however learn from it, know its over and move on.
When we are positive and optimistic in the present, we open the possibility of a positive and promising future. We owe it to ourselves to make every moment count.
I know there are many steps for living in the moment out there; but for me, i have decided to live in the moment each day, not worrying about the future or regretting the past. I will be grateful for each day and live in it and handle things as they come.
Thursday, 26 February 2015
It's very funny how people with diabetes get judged. You hear people say all sorts about diabetics: they brought it upon themselves, they had way too much sugar, they don't exercise, it's just diabetes right all you need is lifestyle changes, you don't look sick, checking your blood sugar isn't hard..its just a prick....etc.
Its not just diabetes, lifestyle changes is part of the things we have to do but certainly not the only thing we have to deal with. Diabetics are normal people, we look normal, we go to work, school, gym, events, we shop, we make dinner, we party, we talk and act like normal people and we are not limited by our diabetes but the fact still remains that we have diabetes and we have to deal with it. so while we are doing all these things non diabetics do we still have to manage our diabetes: we have to prick our fingers numerous times a day to check our blood sugar, we are thinking about carbs, our injection sites, how our body feels, we dealing with hypoglycemia and hyperglycemia, mood swings that comes with high and low blood sugar, we are thinking about eating whatever without worrying about the consequences, we are counting carbs, we are worrying if we have enough supplies, we are measuring our insulin, we are calculating our money, checking our balances, figuring out insurance, we are buying supplies that are very expensive, we are second guessing if we took our insulin, we are debating telling people we have diabetes. We are tired but we are managing our diabetes.
Managing diabetes is very HARD! Its not just the blood sugar checks and the insulin..its everything.
Photo credit: Type1 diabetes meme Facebook page.
Wednesday, 25 February 2015
I can remember sitting in my geography class in secondary school(elementary school) and the teacher started talking about life and he said life is filled with ups and downs and everyone will have his or her own fair share of disappointments. I remember thinking in class that day on how my life will turn out.... what will be my ups and my downs, what kind of disappointments will i have in life and how will i deal with them but then as a little girl i quickly forgot about that and moved on to play with my friends.
Sometimes life throws rocks at us. For some, rocks after rocks seems to come their way. I feel i have been getting a lot of rocks thrown at me lately.
I battled with fear and anxiety for two years. I couldn't sleep at night, I was just in so much fear. I feared I wouldn't wake up when i close my eyes to sleep,I couldn't stay alone by myself, I feared something evil will happen to me or my loved ones. I was a total mess. I struggled with this for a long time on my own, it got to a stage when i couldn't handle it anymore and I had to tell my family. My parents were very supportive of me, made me see a doctor (a psychiatrist). The doctor gave me some sleeping pills and advise on what to do. My siblings were not supportive at al, they told me to get it together and that everyone has some fears. After seeing how my siblings reacted to the situation I told my family I was fine but i really was not. I talked to one of my friends and he told me he has a cousin that is a psychiatrist and he will arrange a meeting. He did, i was able to see a psychiatrist and psychologist and we worked together and I was able to overcome my fears. I could sleep at night without pills and could stay alone. I still have those fears once in a while but I don't dwell on them.
Gradually light returned to my life. I got my Canadian student visa and moved from Nigeria to Canada. I was very happy. I got to Canada and was living my dream life, I had amazing grades in school, met some cool people and i was just loving being me.
Then life threw me another rock. I was diagnosed with diabetes. I felt betrayed by my body and the genes I have. How could this happen to me? Haven't i suffered enough? Life was good just some months back, I thought i would call home to say hey, I got engaged to the love of my life or hey, I got this amazing job...etc and not hey, i got diabetes.
With diabetes came chronic constipation, doctors thought i had colon cancer (thank goodness i don't) and i just didn't have any strength to do anything.
Presently, I'm losing my hair, my fingers are numb, I have hemorrhoids and I'm very frustrated. I have always been a positive girl but its very difficult for me to be positive right now. I just keep asking; why me? when is it going to stop? why do i come from a family that gives diabetes, fear, anxiety and hemorrhoids.
I'm really just hanging in there but i'm frustrated, angry and very disappointed.
Saturday, 21 February 2015
Diabetes burnout is a term given to the state of disillusion, frustration and somewhat submission to the condition of diabetes.
I simply put it as being sick of the daily grind of diabetes management. As a diabetic there is just always so much for me to do everyday...
- Wake up check my fasting blood sugar
- Think of what to have for breakfast (how many carbs can/do i want to have)
- Inject myself with insulin
- Have my breakfast
- Check my blood sugar two hours after (which is almost always still very high)
- Wait another two hours and check if it has gone down to the normal numbers...
Imagine repeating the same grind for lunch and dinner, having to deal with mood swings that comes with my highs and lows...have people pass silly comments such as can you have this or that, i found a cure for diabetes, maybe you had too much sugar when you were growing up...the list is endless. I get to a point where i just can't take it anymore, i freak out and say damn you diabetes i just wanna live my life!
However, i just can't wish it away..it's still there and i have to live with it. So I burnout, go wild and come back to it. I have been able to come up with a 80/20 rule for my diabetes management will share that in another post.
Like i always say diabetes is a full time job and I believe i can do this, i believe in me and i don't think i have been doing badly.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..makes you a fighter!
You have diabetes!!!! Those were the words my GP said to me that changed my life!
I moved to Canada in 2013, I was very excited and happy to be living my dreams. My very first year in school was great, had amazing grades and I was in a really good place in my life. It was summer break and I went visiting some of my friends, had fun and as my holiday was coming to an end, I looked forward to getting a summer job and have my mum visit in august and just have fun. My friend’s mum whom I was visiting was checking her blood sugar before dinner and I said I wanted to check mine too (very strange..i don’t like needles). I took the test and she went oh that’s really high your blood sugar is 12, me very clueless I went…what’s 12 is it out of a 100. She said go see your doctor when you get back home.
I got home and went straight to my doctor’s, did a random test and it was high (cant remember the numbers) but I was sent to have a proper test done in the lab. The test was going to be ready the next day so I had to wait. My results were in and it was time to go to the doctors, I was nervous and anxious at the same time. I finally made it to the doctors and she took a look at my test results and looked at me (at this point I knew something was wrong) and said…you have diabetes! I really didn’t hear the things she said after that, I started crying, thinking my life was over. I’m in my 20s how can I be diabetic?!
Talked to my family but they couldn’t console me, I cried so much. I was referred to the diabetes clinic where I met the fantastic nurse and dietician. I was told I had type two diabetes, I have to watch what I eat, was placed on metformin. My mum came to spend a month with me just taking care of me (mums are the best!). My family was there for me, they gave me all the support I needed.
Metformin made me feel so sick and sapped all my energy, I would throw up, and it was really crazy. I went back to the doctors to complain and she changed my drugs from metformin to glyburide. Way better, I liked it because it was very easy to swallow and it was once a day. The doctor said to me, I think you are in the honeymoon stage of type 1 diabetes…I was very confused, so she referred me to go see an endocrinologist. I was on a short vacation in NYC and my numbers went crazy, I went as high as 28, with crazy headaches and blur vision. I went to my endo once I got back home and was confirmed type 1. I was placed on insulin injections and the endo explained how I was going to be giving myself injections, counting my carbs and always have snacks with me. I was really confused, sad and frustrated. The diabetes nurse showed me what to do and told me I had to inject myself before every meal and bedtime.
I really don’t like that this has happened to me and people keep saying it can be worse but when it comes down to it, its very hard to get used to.
That’s a little bit about what I have struggled with. This blog is a therapy for me, will share my experiences about diabetes, when I’m having a good or bad day, my other struggles, and if you ever drop by just enjoy my ranting….but please remember to keep it positive.